Do you know, the challenging task today in the hands of parents for managing the children? I am a father of two boys, going through the blessings and challenges too and sharing my experience with you.
The majority of the research studies show, parenting and balancing the relationship would be a Himalayan task nowadays; that too living with a technological revolution and gadgets which consume a huge amount of time of the users. It is highly essential to learn and nail it smoothly. Relationship building and balancing is a great task ahead of every parent.
After doing a hard word of a day, contending all feelings of joy and pain inside the office and by draining the energy, seeing all traffic hurdles between home and office, chewing all such feelings while driving the vehicle, the sound of pooh breathe while parking the vehicle and entering the house and seeing the unrest conditions prevail at home between Mom and Children, what would be the feeling of Dad?
While considering the same situation, when Mom and Dad are working, coming home at the end of the day of tedious and energy-draining conditions, what would be the condition of both seeing children’s mess up at home? Or Mom is working and Dad is taking care of household activities and children, seeing such nuisances, what would be the feeling of mom?
I am narrating the prevailing working conditions of either husband and wife nowadays as full-time employees or any one of them working in a family. So, any one of the above working styles will prevail at every home; but the business family members’ activities will vary. However, children’s attitudes and activities will be considered at the same pace.
In such conditions, what would be the relationship between parents and children, counting their attitudes and how to shape up day to day affairs between both in an emerging, fast-growing world. Before letting them out for subsequent life activities of admitting in daycare centers, pre-schools, the children should learn from parents to roll out the best attitudes. Then, socialization will occur.
The enormous studies about childhood strongly emphasized the role of parents. In the present living conditions, there are three ways the children’s socialization could occur i.e. at home/ families, peer groups, out-of-home-like classrooms, daycare centers.
I have reviewed such a situation with my experience, did research about parenting and pointing out below five awesome tips to take control of the situation and balance between parents and children relationship.
1 Understand the Children's potential and make them to love themselves first:
The first and foremost of parents to understand their children is the inborn potential with them. Every stage of their growth is important and each stage brings out a variety of thinking and feeling. As a mother, these skills to be transformed methodically who knows the children’s habits from the day they are born. She is instrumental in taking care of them completely from zero dates of birth till they grow and attain the stage of their independence.
I would also emphasize here, the important part of pregnancy. During this stage, mother attitudes, habits, nutritious values, the thinking process of a mother is getting transferred to a child. So, every mother shall take care of herself first during this period. What you feel best during pregnancy is the boosting part for every child.
Mothers who 'connect' with their baby during pregnancy are more likely to interact in a more positive way with their infant after it is born, according to a study carried out at the University of Cambridge. Interaction is important for helping infants learn and develop. You can refer to www.sciencedaily.com and Developmental Review journal for more details.
As per Dr. Bruce Lipton, a leading American Developmental Biologist, every child born with an unprogrammed mind and within a period of 7 years, it learns from mother, father, siblings, and surroundings what is happening by observing, listening. It is understood, that children grow in 7 years is very important by taking care in nurturing, nourishing, attitude building, skills, and knowledge development, etiquette. It is not a missing event of every child by parents. So, effective parenting to bring up the children is vital at this stage.
The potential of every child blows up surprising attitudes, skills, knowledge when you ponder over it. It may look weaker initially when they are too young, but it gives a solid foundation of their life when parents do realize it and shape it up. It looks so simple without knowing its impact on parents, but it has a huge ripple effect on children’s lifestyle which is a missing crux of the majority.
Every good family is a university as per poet, Bharathidasan, and please remember, the learning starts first at home. The learning happens later at school, colleges are a secondary source of skills and knowledge to be acquired. This is an unexplored secret to be understood by every parent. Once it is reviewed thoroughly, then how to polish your children effectively takes off from there. Parents and children should be a mirror image of each other.
As a parent, you may carefully review the below points for better parenting:
a. It is ok for them to make mistakes.
b. Encourage them to be unique from others.
c. Motivate them in every minuscule effort they put in.
d. Let you make them feel, parents, are my great source of inspiration and support.
e. Siblings' relationship to be strengthened with your support.
f. Have a joint dinner as a family. It promotes love and care.
g. Share your stories and encourage storytelling habits too.
h. Nourish them to understand other’s feelings.
i. Support them to get mingled with valuable friends.
j. Teach basic finance while growing.
By this way, it builds confidence in children’s minds and they start loving themselves as well as you. By these positive thoughts, the “I can” habit will be developed. “I can” is 100 times important than the IQ as per Einstein.
It is the psychology of most of the students to go with what their friends say or simply follow the crowd. The important point to educate your children is, explore your individual skill and be a self-dependent personality in life rather than following others.
Let them understand, their skills and knowledge only guide them till their life end. As it is a common phenomenon in students viewpoint, I would like to quote from Einstein to understand it from a life perspective way:
“The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before”.
2 Build your Confidence towards Children:
As a parent, building confidence in children is an important step towards their mental growth. The mental agility should be strong with children. Alarmingly, it is a growing concern with Paediatricians and parents worldwide. You may have a lot of love, but it is not expressed outwards so far. It means the children feel insecure and non-importance of parents unless it is openly informed.
It is highly recommended by child experts, you must openly say every day, “I love you my child” irrespective of the situations and it imbibes strong bondage between you and children. I have also learned it through experience only.
It embraces empathy between parents and children. It strengthens the parenting gap and stimulates confidence in the mind of children. As per Einstein, the measure of intelligence is the ability to change.
In the modern days, parents do push their children towards studies only and not seeing other worthful skills to explore and encourage your children to do it. It creates simply pressure on their mind and over a period of time, the interest level will reduce and the eventual result will make you scared.
3 By telling openly you are the best and support them whole-heartedly:
In the present juncture, children expect undue support from parents. It is a critical point of discussion, but ensuring your support wholeheartedly will give them inner peace of mind and smile. It builds empathy and helps you to infuse your expertise advice slowly. You should understand, everyone is a genius. But exploring each child’s special potential is important at a very young stage itself.
It is better not to give advice often, it gives frustration and a non-listening mode towards parents. The care includes hugging, kissing them will give Kinesthetic awareness. The negative feelings shall be avoided and apply the mechanism of releasing it out.
Blind support for children should also be avoided. Your emotions shall be applied in a timely manner as appropriate for children to understand and absorb it. The children are looking for parents to accommodate their mistakes. Because they are still learning to deal with their own feelings.
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to claim the tree, it fails its whole life believing that it is stupid” – Einstein.
4 Give them space to act independently and listen to their concerns:
The children are expecting freedom of living at home. It is common to notice, whatever they possess like toys, books, belongings, etc won’t be shared with either their siblings or close friends with whom they may play at their own house. But they look for siblings /friends to play with, but they won’t share anything either.
I remember my days many years ago living abroad with family, my son and my friend’s son who was three years old used to play together either at my home or at his home. Both mothers would chat and leave them to play. In a short while, they used to pick up fights and complaining to each other, not sharing the toys to play with. Then both would get beatings from their Moms.
They were disturbed and felt discomfort due to this episode. Within a span of a few minutes, they would say bye and go home. It was a daily episode for some time and my son used to comply with me as soon as I entered my flat. Then I was advising softly about what to do and what not to do. It taught me insights about parenting.
They may feel, they are king in their house. Let it be at such a tender stage as they look for an independent space to think, live, act and enjoy. They can’t understand their parents’ emotions. They have a lot of feelings, concerns of their own, their siblings, their peer, and the environment, etc to express to their parents.
As per Norman Vaughan, “dream big and dare to fail”.
So, parents should have the patience to listen and give solace to make them comfortable. So, you should some minutes daily to spend with your children. You should point out their strengths and compliment them.
5 Engage them in telling stories and develop the best attitudes:
How parents will engage with children? You need to create a space for it. Do you know, children like to hear stories irrespective of their age? They love to hear from you such enticing stories without bothering the timings and they won’t even feel boring. This is a great missing nowadays from the majority of parents as they are busy in their personal and official activities and lesser time to spare with children.
Here, the mother is doing a dual role of actions such as teaching as well as learning too. It is a bonus for parents to enhance their learning habits.
They are longing for such a space. Believe me, that space is vital to groom them by understanding their weakness, strength, mold them with confidence, courage, trust, a faith which help to develop and strengthen their attitudes.
Because the attitudes of a child play a greater role in bringing them successful in all their endeavors. Every mother is having a pot of buttermilk and looking for ghee. When you apply such a deeper insight, you could understand, you are yet to explore your children’s Attitudes, Skills, and Knowledge. It is a paradigm shift in everyone’s life.
There is an adage stating, "don’t cook fish and feed your child, but train them how to catch a fish". It gives the highest confidence in life to cherish and prosper.
In this way, the child will learn how to survive in life. It drives their confidence to stand on their own feet throughout life. Once you teach them to carry their own water, then they will learn the value of every drop. It is more important to get a satisfying life for your children than a successful life. Because satisfied people are living a meaningful life.
By giving the above valuable statements, it is a triggering signal for parents to understand the value of the life of the children at a young stage other than having hard feelings at a grownup stage. I hope it gives an insight into the relationship building between parents and children.